inside the traveler's pie

It was not that sweet. It was not that elating like Heaven touching my poor soul marinated in the liquids of malady. The victory was inconsiderably grand but was quite affirmative of the talent I thought I lost along this arduous trek.

Vacation is almost over. Wednesday night, I'll be back. It was enough though. I need to work again, otherwise, die. The semester is also over. The nights of pondering how to get those school projects done have come to an end. No more watching of hours. No more tracking of thoughts. Am I a freeman? Not so.

Dark clouds are clearing out and the sun is now painting the bluish sky with its yellow rays. But too much of the sun can burn my skin. Water is essential and umbrella is necessary--grace!

I need to visit the Old Dream before I hit the road for another mile. I can't leave just like that.

Two nights left.

I want to raise one question on you: what are you doing to us?

Give us more writing assignment and I can put up with it. After all, it's a writing class.

Ok, you have been very vocal that you don't like teaching Filipino 3. Then why did you accept the job in the first place? Oh yeah, the money you get from sitting in the class and fooling everybody is indispensable. But please, don't you ever think that all of your students are gullible. I know that most of the activities you had us done were just fillers while you rest and relax. You hardly taught us in the entire semester. It's been more of us writing and writing and writing and writing. But hey, writing is actually cool, but what is not is the truth that you don't give us any writing input. Thus, making our activities meaningless. You've been fond of treating us like children, which is a way of insulting our intelligence--our capability to think and to analyze. It was so funny how you mistook sarcasm with irony, right at that moment, I was on the verge of walking out of the room to have my great laugh outside. You required to us write many things yet you never read them, and all of us get to have the same grade?!?! Excuse me, what is the speech presentation for? And worse, why are we going to stage a live commercial in front of the class? I almost fell off my seat when you required us to stage a drama presentation. And there my classmates were like oooozing with excitement and you nodded thinking at the back of your mind that these children fell in to your trap. (They actually did.) Did you not notice that I deliberately went absent because of that and just did a poetry reading instead? Did you not notice  that I keep throwing on you whys and whats? Did you ever wonder why? I did that because nobody was asking and I didn't want you  to think that you are in full grab of the steering wheel.

Your class is just a minor subject but please next time, don't burden yourself with any Filipino 3 class. Don't teach something you do not know. And most of all, if you don't have the passion for teaching (which I think you don't), quit it! You don't worth your salary.

Give us a break!

You were sitting right on that corner,

counting the strands of the hurt laid on the ground.

Drops of tears streaked your plain moment

of confusion: why you're in pain,

why he wasn't there.

Then I went up to you

crying for a chance to wipe your misery.

You nodded and I kissed your pain away.

Then I was gone.

You were trudging that alley unlit by lampposts.

Musing about the troubled sky hovering above

and why he wasn't looking at you

when those questions were flowing out of your lips

like the river Nile.

You're lost trying to find an escape

from his curse that darkened your way and fogged your sight.

I rushed to you, and with a three-feet distance, walked beside you.

With my flickering stick, I guided you to the momentary sanity,

and to freedom.

Then I was gone.

Would you rather see the truth or live in a lie?

Beneath the strength lies the frail

hiding in the shadows just for those three crimson words.

I couldn't be that apple dear to your sight,

the indulgence that'll fly you to the Ninth Cloud.

But let me steal just one second 

to relieve you from the endless batter so I'd be in heaven.

Then I'd  be gone.

Promise, I'd be gone.

*** Many years back, it seemed hard to get over it. But things changed and I am free. Looking back is recollecting lessons cluttered along the way. I am happy***

It's nice to start the day by hearing some good news after a series of blow.

My dear brother (not biological though) Kemi has bested the other hopefuls who showcased their writing prowess in an essay writing competition in the University of Santo Tomas (his now-Alma Mater). Kemi bagged the biggest win: an affirmation of which road he should tread and the destination he should aim. Persistent praying plus faith in the size of a mustard seed was all he needed to get the answer. The clearing of the sky and seeing the sun after the confusing tempest is like falling in love for the first time: sweet and exciting. Kemi, I am so proud and so happy for you. Keep walking the faith, bro.

I am battered left and right but being able to manage to heave that smile is grace. We are all takers of this arduous trek that is life. It can be too muddy beyond the endurance of our feet. And the way up to the destination can be obstructed by a dense forest. Either way, we all know that there is an end waiting for us. A prize to claim. There is no easy journey but a safe arrival.

I will smile.

What a breakfast!

I'm  looking into the bright side of it...even if it's just going to be me on this foggy road.

I will smile.

I am currently caught up with this short story I am writing. I am past 60 percent of the work and could not continue because of some distractions:

1. The pressing thought that I need to sleep now so I'd be up and alive later at work.

2. The World Wide Web is a such a vast storage of fascinating cool stuff  that clicking one link leads to another interesting site that leads to another also-interesting site, then the hopping goes on. So never pull up your Internet Explorer if you're into finishing articles, report, etc. Believe me, you'll never accomplish anything.

3. Wowowee. I am not a fan. My computer is situated by the TV set and everybody's watching the show and I could not help but glance at it once in a while. Funny that I am really entertained by the talents of the Willie of Fortune contestants. They are cool minus the dramas. It's like inserting a pause into the train of my thoughts. That once the flow is cut, it's really over and I am dead.

4. (And lastly) Chuckie. I heart it so much. I am craving for one now but I don't want to go out under the scorching sun. The nearest store that sells it is 12 blocks away from the house. Waah I'd just burn myself. Not that I am afraid of that dark skin, sobrang init kaya!

In the end, I'd just decided to continue it this Saturday night..that is if I would not be loaded with tons of school work so help me God.

He screamed in utter silence,
Sang in dismayed notes.
His chords trembled and made music unwoven in harmony.
Who would dare listen to his unflambouyant piece?
So he dwindled and remained invisible to the ears.

He stood in thousand hours and gazed at each passes.
He smiled at every faces, extended his hands and shared chances.
Undmindful of the dire advances.
Intently picked up the trashes.
Piece by piece he ate them right at their face.
Still, no remark and remained invisible to the ears.

He cried for others' tears.
He wore others' shame.
He bathed in their angsts
And lived through their disgrace.
He offered his shattered heart,
Left nothing for himself,
And smiled.
Now he feels no more.
Still, he's invisible to their hearts.

As the eyes peers at the reflection
Of the dirt on the face,
He eats the blinding light and drinks his misery.
He cowers in blame of this invisibility.
He is invisible to others and now to himself.

Will he see Him?
Quite a question.
The Answer is quite invisible.

Happy birthday!

Another year has just been added to me. Just like the past years, nothing really much happened on my B day. I did not go to school. I just submitted my midterm exam online. I stayed home and slept. Such a nice way to spend my B day.

Initially, my plan was to go to UP Diliman, but it came to my senses that there was nothing to do there except from doing a walk around the entire campus. That could have been tiresome but I am used to walkathons. My legs can take down kilometers of walking. I am used to it. In fact, I consider walking as one of the pleasures in life. It's tiresome but it helps me think things over.  Another reason why I did not pursue the plan is my midterm exam. It's a take-home exam, essay type. I had to finish it before noon.

Prior to this day, I already got myself a gift: the hard-to-find Fragmented by Up dharma down and  Love Letters by Kitchie Nadal (kelangan regaluhan ang sarili, ganon yun). It took me years to find Fragmented. I remember hopping the record bars in the Metro and walked away every bar with an empty hand. Weird that I grabbed one at a bar which hardly sells records in the like of Fragmented. But does it still matter?

I am writing a short story. Im already 50 percent done with it. Of course, it's written in Filipino. Howelse should it be written but in my first language. Attempting to write it in English is like attempting to solve a hardcore math problem and  I have a bad mathematical reasoning. Once it's done, I'm going to have it read by some people to get their say about my  short story, and that will probably happen not anytime soon.

Thanks to those who spent their precious time just to greet me this day. I appreciate you all.